5 Journal 15/11/21

Reflection on the art atelier with the adolescents in the JKS

Before the session

Leading up to the class on the 12/11 with the adolescents I had some time to reflect (Journal 4 12/11) and prepare the session with a project, printouts of research and an idea where they could go as a group.

In the reflection on the class, I felt into the potential of the group and what I saw them, what they could do together, how I could work with them and support them, what I could contribute and what they could gain from the sessions with me.

Out of insecurity on my skills in this context and fear, that the class could go out of control once more I was solidly prepared for the session with yet another plan of action, keeping them once more occupied with something I have planned and designed from beginning to end.

I printed out the project brief again, that I read to them the previous session together with various research images and examples. A plan of how they could approach the project and even how they could develop it into a larger outcome. I was ‘well prepared’ and had a clear plan of how the session would/should go.

During the session

The pupils arrived. At the beginning of the session everyone sat around the table.

I shared some thoughts on how the session went on the previous Friday and that I reflected, mentioning that I was not clear what they wanted out of the session and how I could support them, that they could shape the direction of the course for example a competition, an exhibition or an ‘underground pop-up exhibition’. Out of insecurity it turned into a one-sided monologue from my side

I introduced the project brief again, showed some examples of research and started to ask some questions about qualities or characteristics the Alter Ego could have – silence.

When I asked them what they would like to work towards – silent.

Then I asked how they would like to work on projects – again, there was an initial silence. Then Anna mentioned how the class used to work. Each pupil worked individually on their project and the tutor supported them individually. The group agreed and the class took a different turn.

A group wanted to explore oil painting the other continued on an ink drawing they started as a group. I supported each pupil with the materials that they needed to work on their project.

After some time, Anna and a few others finished the drawing and played in the theatre room. It did not go out of hand and I let it happen. Everyone was busy with their work and I let go of the idea that I needed to be ‘in control’ of what everyone was doing. I engaged in my own activities in the room, available for support when needed.

Towards the end, people tidied up in their time.

My (emotional) reaction

Before and at the beginning of the session I was nervous and uncertain of my skills working with this group. I could feel that they perceived me as someone who wants to put another pressure on them. Once I received the feedback that they like to work individually on their projects I felt a sense of relief, not needing to be in control of where the group is working towards. I got a sense that we, including me can just work on something that we are interested in. I could experiment with a technique and maybe in that way inspire them.

At the end of the session I had a sense of uncertainty if that will continue to work if I am so ‘hands off’.

My intention and goal of teaching that group

My initial intention and vision where the group could work towards was clearly MY intention. The group gave me a signal that they just want to have fun while they are here, engaging in some creative activities but completely away from pressure.

Compassion for the pupils

The pupils probably have a lot of different pressures and expectations that they need to fulfil. There is a lot of insecurity within themselves of what is ok to bring and be. The young people might not have a space where they can just be themselves and move between home and school expectations with the experience of not quite fitting in. Then there might be the insecurity of not being good, pretty or accepted enough.

My reflection

The class took a very different turn that I had initially planned. The pupils gave me a clear feedback, that I need to listen to them. I need to take time to get to know them, engage slowly into conversation with them and see what emerges from it.

There are moments, where I feel avoidant to engage into one to one conversations with some of the pupils out of fear not to know the right answer, going blank and not knowing what to respond or of rejection. Again, I hold on to the idea of needing to provide answers. However, in this class it is much more about being interested in the person and what the person is moved by, eliciting answers the pupil might give themselves.

Challenges

The challenge for me is to see myself in a very different role that the one I usually have, that is leading the way to a specific outcome. Now my role is much more supporting the individual to find their own path.

Questions

• How do I build the bridge between the subject/brief and help the students to relate to it?
• When the pupil comes to a ‘dead end’, doesn’t know what to work on or doesn’t feel like continuing on something they work on, what do I do? How do I guide them?

Conclusion

I need to learn to let go of control or outcome focused.

I can prepare with techniques or here and there an interesting artist which might be interesting form one pupil, engaging in one to one conversation.

Preparation for next time

• Bring examples for Mangas
• Look up some more techniques of oil painting to show examples to the pupils who work with oil painting
• Stencil work
• Work on my own project / experiment